Trust, and Have Faith

Its 1 AM on a Monday morning and what do you know… I can’t sleep. Shocker. I am laying in bed going through all of my social media accounts watching all of the hurt in our world play right in front of my eyes as I keep my mouth shut, not in fear of others rejecting my opinion but simply in respect of those whose opinions may not directly see eye to eye with mine. I feel a message laid on my heart and knew it needed to be shared. In the midst of it all, I feel this pain. A Pain that cannot be seen or heard. One that is deep and shows neither a bruise nor a cut. One that is gut wrenching and heartbreaking because it is just that. I feel a pain in my heart, due in small part to the hurt in our world, but mostly because in a time where I should only be growing closer to the Lord I felt myself ultimately growing farther apart. This brought tears to my eyes. Why? It could be because I have let down the One who has done nothing but build me up since day one regardless of my actions. The one who has spared my life in times where I felt nothing short of worthless and sick. I have let down my God, my Father who sent His Son to die for ME and MY sins. A selfless father that will do everything in his everlasting almighty power for the sake of my happiness even when I am letting him down. All of a sudden it hits me. God has such a selfless and unbreakable love for me that no matter how far I feel like I am drifting he is always right beside me. He is always walking with me and guiding me even when I feel so lost.

For so long, I have tried and tried and tried and even tried some more to figure out what it is I am meant to be or to do. To this day I still don’t know. Some days I still want to be a princess, others I realize that I can’t make a living and raise a family off a being a princess unless I lived in a country with a monarchy and had a royal bloodline…which sadly is not the case. I think…. maybe I should check out that ancestry website. Anyways the point is, it is okay to not know.  Its okay to NOT know because even if I don’t know He does! How great is that, y’all. He has this grander plan for my life that I couldn’t even imagine.

If you would have asked me a year ago what I would be doing I probably would have told you I would have stayed in Auburn for the summer. Now I am at home and I get the pleasure of babysitting three of the most loving, compassionate and influential kids I have ever met. They teach me more about myself each day than I would have ever thought possible. This is all part of his plan for me. I realized at an early age that I had huge passion for children, whether it be helping them, taking care of them, or even just getting to hang out with them. I don’t think God could have chosen a better way for me to learn about myself than through kids I absolutely adore. More importantly, they have brought me closer to the Lord. Crazy right? How could a 6, 8, and 12-year-old do that for an 18-year-old? It’s definitely possible and even in the simplest of ways. We say the blessing before every meal. I pray for them every night, to follow in the Lords path for each of them.

We serve an awesome God, y’all. He is always good and I mean always. There is no one on earth that would send his one and only son to die a gruesome death on the cross for our sins. We all sin because the only perfect person is God. It is so easy to repent from your sins and ask for forgiveness. He forgives and forgives and forgives all day but he can only forgive if you repent and ask for forgiveness. I always think of a song I learned at vacation bible school “A- admit to God you are a sinner, B- believe that Jesus is Gods only son, C- confess your faith in Jesus as your savior and Lord forever more.” I learned that in 2004 at the Rickshaw Rally, here we are in 2016 and I still remember it. Believing in God and trusting that he forgives can be simple if you allow it to be. We make so many things in life harder than they should be because we don’t have faith and we don’t trust that God’s got us. God has had us, He’s got us, and he will always have us.

Lord, I pray that you let us see the truth in your word and give us the courage to not be ashamed to know you and seek you in everything we do. I pray that you help us to accept and love others regardless of the color of their skin because we know you love us all. I pray for peace in a world full of hate and strife and that you would have your hands on those mourning the loss of a loved one. Amen.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

Mathew 5:43-48

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

2 Peter 3:9

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

1 John 4:8

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 

in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Proverbs 3:5-6

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Ever since I can remember I have been asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I can imagine I probably said I wanted to be Cinderella or any princess for that matter when I was three years old. The older I got, the more I got asked that dreaded question, “What do you want to be? Or What do you want to go to school for?” But let me tell I was always the one that had it all together. I had this awesome plan for my life. I was going to go to school at Auburn university, obtain a degree in Biomedical Sciences, continue my education in Medical School, where eventually I would pursue a career as a Pediatric Oncologist or Orthopedic Surgeon depending on how many bones I had broken/ sprained/ bruised/ dislocated that year. Awesome plan for a 16 year old, Am I Right? I mean who wouldn’t want to spend half of their life in school to end up making more than the average person. Obviously  me, because boy did life slap me right in the face when I got the grade for my first test of my first pre-med Biology course, that might I add spent days studying for. I realized that, sure I absolutely loved helping people, but I never made that plan for myself. I made that plan because it sounded good on applications, and at pageants, and quite frankly it made my parents proud thinking that I had a plan for myself. I realized that, besides when I was three and had no idea what I was even talking about, that every time I was asked what I wanted to be it was never actually what I wanted to be. It sounded good, so I made my self believe that yes that’s what I wanted to do. So I decided that I didn’t want to be pre med because I honestly didn’t like science all that much, so I am thinking okay I am really good at math what is something that I can do math with ACCOUNTING! That same day I went and took my folder from the College of Science and Mathematics to the College of Business. I had another plan! I’m going to law school to be a tax attorney, Y’all. Wait what? No seriously, anyone that knows me knows this is a joke and just a bump in the road for me because lets be 100% honest Accounting sounds like a pretty boring thing ( NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE WHO DOES THIS OR ENJOYS THIS.) Half of the time I want to change my hair to some exotic color the other half I am googling safe islands to move to. I am such an unpredictable person that will literally laugh at anything uncontrollably, I am not kidding I cant stop it, especially when its inappropriate  that’s when it gets the loudest and most obnoxious. Sorry back to the point. (SEE!!!) At this point in my life, I have absolutely no clue what I want to do. Not even close. And for once, I am not being asked everyday what I want to do, because now I am being told what is going to make me the most money. Who cares about that? Oh wait me, again. We are told to do something we love and we will never work a day in our lives. But what if what I love cant afford me. What if what I love isn’t actually a job at all, because I love to eat (if anyone knows anyone hiring to eat for them, please keep me in mind). I love to play the guitar, I love to lay out on the beach, I love to take naps, but none of these things are going to make me successful.  So are careers something we really love? Or are they something that’s going to get us by? All I know right now as an 18 year old, is that I cried when I (my mom) spent $84 on groceries Sunday morning, do you know what I could get with $84?? I don’t want to be miserable for the rest of my life because I hate what I do, but I also don’t want to be miserable for the rest of my life because I am just scraping by week to week paycheck to paycheck because I didn’t jump at the opportunities that were thrown in my face. I am honestly so blessed with the opportunity to even be in school right now as much as I say I hate it.

            The next time you’re asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?” just be honest, because if you aren’t honest…you’ll probably end up like me feeling disappointed not being able to live up to the standard you set for yourself. I was disappointed in the beginning but I am only 18 years old and I have realized that I am going to be disappointed a lot throughout the years of my life. To be successful you have to work, but it is up to you what you are successful doing. God has a plan above all other plans that will eventually be revealed after we have struggled and experienced all the wrong things for us. I am still waiting for Him to show me my way.

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that will prevail.”

Proverbs 19:21